Yesterday was my fourth session and time for a bit of an evaluation about how the whole thing is going.
I started acupuncture because I felt that I had "blocks" in my mind that were preventing me from getting pregnant. They were things I'm sure we're all familiar with - fear of the same thing happening again, angst and urgency about getting pregnant. I also felt that my hormones were a bit mucked up... stand by for a small biology lesson... The adrenal glands are responsible for producing a lot of your body's hormones, including cortisol, which helps you handle stress. Losing the baby was of course the most stressful event of my life - I knew this straight away, even going into busy town centres a month after the birth was too much for me and anything even mildly stressful gave me headaches. I'm guessing that I had an excess of stress hormones in my body. Then, in January, probably just as I was recovering from this and edging towards balance again, I had a very stressful period at work. It didn't take much for the stress hormones to reach capacity again, I still had the hangover from losing the baby.
The important point about all this, is that the stress hormone, cortisol, competes in the body with progesterone. They both want to latch on to the same places and if there's too much cortisol, it will literally leave no room for progesterone to get a hold. As we all know, too little progesterone = horrible PMS and infertility.
So, where does the acupuncture come in? Over the last few months I've been doing yoga and psychotherapy and working through some of this stuff but I still felt essentially out of balance. I'm sure, given time, it would all have sorted itself out but I was starting to think I needed to get out of London to allow myself the space and quiet to recover and that felt unworkable with my current job and housing situation. So,I wanted something that was going to push the healing and the rebalancing of all those stress hormones and fertility hormones on.
After session #1 of the acupuncture I had a week of illness, tiredness and tears. After session # 2 I just felt tired but I noticed I was much calmer than usual in the 2ww. At the end of the week I discovered I was pregnant. You know what happened, the baby didn't stick but I just felt happy - something was definitely changing. After session # 3 I was amazed by how positive I felt, how calm, happy and confident all week. Less fraught about everything, including ttc. Now today, after session # 4 I feel like I'm coming full circle, like I'm starting to leave last year behind and am looking forward and entering a new phase.
I don't know if I'll be pregnant this month or next. I know I don't mind as much if it doesn't happen and that when my body and mind are ready, it will. That's what the acupuncture has done for me. It's moved me past the place in my mind where all I could think of was the horror of losing Harvey and the terror of it all happening again to where I'm sorry that it happened and sad that it happened but it's not ruling my world.
When I found my acupuncturist I did some research and I decided that five element acupuncture (as oppose to TCM) was the right method for me. It's practiced slightly differently to TCM and is more holistic. I also rang several different clinics in London and spoke to them about my situation and how they might help. I emailed and got about 8 names which I rang and spoke to. I chose the lady I am now with because she is a fertility specialist and I felt incredibly comfortable talking to her and telling her my story. I felt she really wanted to help me. In the first session with her I felt almost like she was my mother and I was telling her the story and she was going to make it all better. I felt cared for, in short.
The sessions are quite simple and no frills. And it does hurt quite sharply now and again so if you're after something that's not going to hurt at all, this perhaps isn't for you. The pain can be a short sharp ache or sting now and again, that's it. I think it's helping me with the needle thing. After the pregnancy and session in hospital I had been stuck with so many needles so many times I was wondering if I could cope with another pregnancy on that basis alone. Volunteering to be stuck with needles somehow seems to be giving me back a sense of control over that and the thought of the million blood samples, IVs and epidurals to come doesn't seem quite so daunting.
If you're at a place where you're ready to move forwards, where perhaps you feel like you've been at the same place in your grieving for a while and can't seem to get past it, I do recommend acupuncture.
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
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3 comments:
I really want to do this. I know I have said it in at least 4 comments in the past- but I do. But there's something that keeps me from doing it. I don't know if I'm afraid...or if I need it. I feel like I've been stuck in the same place for a long time , but it's not all because of my own doing. I can't try again without Mr. H's help and he's not ready yet. I can get all the therapy I want/feel like I need, but if he's not working on himself then I'll still be stuck. I feel that if I start acupuncture, I will expect dramatic results and will be let down- again.
I have been seeing a homeopath for the same reasons. I think it's helping, but I do wonder about acupunture. I saw a woman here early in my pregnancy with J and she helped me a lot, I'm not sure if she does fertility stuff, but maybe I might try.
Half of me thinks I'm just putting pressure on myself telling myself something is wrong when it isn't. The other half of me says it can't hurt.
monica h - if you want to do it, I would do it, just for yourself. You never know, doing that for yourself might help him recover. Also I worried about expecting dramatic results but am amazed by how relaxed I feel about ttc now. It's almost like the chicken and egg situation - in order to conceive you have to relax, but how can you relax if all you want to do is conceive. I've found acupuncture has got me past that. To be honest, if we don't get pregnant this year, it wouldn't be the end of the world!
Coggy - I like homeopathy but I find it's a conker on a string in effectiveness compared with the bazooka that is acupuncture. And yes, it can't hurt - I feel so chilled out from having it, I would carry it on just to help with the day-to-day stresses of existence! You have weekly sessions for the first month, then they're spread out to fortnightly, then monthly. The effects have built up by that point so you only need a booster every month.
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